Unlike my canine colleagues, I have no stress. Why would any rational pet willingly submit to being trained? No self-respecting feline would ever fetch or beg to score a few measly treats. Instead, I quietly protest, “NO!”
Just Meow, “No!”
Every time my owner (or my human as I prefer to call him) scolds me to get off the counter, stop climbing the sheer drapes or play nice with the other household pets, I firmly meow, No.” Actually, I don’t even bother; I simply pay no mind to my human’s commands and proceed with my business.
Tolerate NO abuse from any human, canine, or rodent.
If my human treats me with the slightest disrespect, I scratch or bite him immediately to teach him manners. Any time an unruly pet bothers me, I let out a blood-curdling hiss and lash out with my claws. Mice don’t even bother to cross my path; they know better.
Be NO pushover. Play hard to get.
There is no surer way to entice your human to shower you with loads of treats and affection than to act aloof. It’s just animal nature – we all like the challenge of pursuing what we can’t get. The more I play hard to get; the more my human wants to pet me. Of course, I give him a little taste of my affections, just to dangle the carrot in front of him. But as soon as he gets too close, I retreat into hiding.
Make NO response unless it suits your purpose.
When my human calls me, I walk right past him with my nose and tail in the air. Occasionally, I acknowledge him when he offers toys, treats, or fun ways to play.
Suffer NO insomnia. Sleep at least 15 hours a day.
I sleep most of the day, so I don’t have to be bothered with my human or other pets. Then, I prowl the house all night to keep my human awake, so he is too tired to bother me during the day.
NO compromise – only eat the best.
If it ain’t a treat, don’t eat. That’s my motto. I don’t reduce myself to table scraps or anything remotely resembling healthy food. And I would never tolerate any form of generic cat food. If the fare is not top-shelf gourmet, I’m not interested.
NO can do with a dirty litter box.
I refuse to tolerate the slightest odor or debris in my litter box. When my litterbox falls short of my royal standards, I do my business on the floor to serve as a reminder to my human to clean up.
Quietly suffer? NO way!
Whenever I’m the slightest bit unhappy, I yelp, meow, hiss, scratch, charge, knock photos off the wall or paw fragile items until they drop on the floor. Then I purr with genuine content.
NO slipping. Always maintain an expression of disdain.
I never let my guard down. My human must be reminded constantly of his duty to please me.
Okay, here’s a kitty secret; I can be just as charming as any puppy or dog. I merely seek the respect I deserve by setting firm boundaries and asserting myself appropriately. Follow my nine tips, and you too will have NO stress in No time. And your self-esteem will improve too.
Meow, my human just placed a tasty salmon filet on the kitchen counter to thaw. Time to indulge my curiosity.