by PurSneakity, a feline creature of bad habits
Pounce upon a time, I lived as the sole subject in my owner’s catdom. Imagine how I resented the arrival of a tiny kitty princess in our humble castle. But the first time she hissed at me while I bit her tail, I knew it was love at first fight.
I fall head over paws in love with that kitty princess, whom our owner crowned, Penelope. Oh Penelope, her fluffy white coat, enticing blue eyes and graceful catwalk enchant me. She stops traffic when she strolls down the footpath. Exalted above all tabbies, she charms every person and pet in the land with her musical purr. I don’t sleep. I don’t chase mice. I don’t even eat kitty treats. All I do is fantasize about Penelope. Just the sound of her mythic name lulls me into a state of blissful reverie as I trace a heart with our initials in her litterbox.
Princess Penelope, however, rejects my advances. After weeks of sauntering past me with her nose and tail in the air, I grow despondent. Finally, upon my offer of a savory piece of salmon that I snagged from my owner’s dining table, she grants me the privilege to groom her forehead. Over the next few months, we walk, play and cuddle together. I finally win her love, and we declare our catrimonial bond till our nine lives do us part.
Okay, we don’t always purr happily ever after; our furry-tale romance sometimes resembles a fury-tail rivalry. However, we rekindle our deep love for each other when we practice these furproof kitty tips recommended by our purchologist, a human counselor who speaks fluent Meow and specializes in Feline relationship issues.
1. Maintain Boundaries.
My beloved Penelope and I mark our territories carefully. We each use our own food dish, litter box, fleece blanket, and hiding place, which saves a lot of catfights.
2. Share Often.
At the same time, we share some of our cherished cuddling spaces, like our cozy box near the kitchen window. There we soak up warm, sunny rays together for hours as we catnap.
3. Play Daily.
We delight in friendly competition, whether we chase a laser light or bat toy mice around the floor. Plus, we burn off those kitty treats along with a bit of aggressive energy.
4. Indulge in Catnip Together.
We love to celebrate high court occasions with our favorite catnip. Please catnip responsibly.
5. Fight Fair.
Sometimes we fight like cats and dogs. But when one of us exposes our tummy, the other retreats. Sometimes it’s best to let the cat get our tongue to give us paws for thought before we hiss something we’ll regret later.
6. Knead Each Other.
We reserve cat and mouse games only for pawn mice. Our favorite love language is to knead and be kneaded. We also love to groom each other, especially on our backs which are hard to reach. See the video below to view cat kneading behavior.
7. Communicate Openly.
Okay, we confess to being sneaky sometimes. Of course, we hide after knocking over a lamp that shatters on the floor. We want our owner to believe it was the draft from the draw bridge. Who can blame us? For the most part, we express our feelings – one way or the other.
8. Be Faithful.
We don’t have much choice because we’re house cats. Don’t tempt us in the wild forest, though.
9. Purr Happily Ever After.
Each day, we purr in gratitude for our cozy fleece blankets, favorite cat treats, abundant toys, clean litterboxes, sleepy lifestyles, benevolent owner, and our deep, loving bond with each other.
Hope you human commoners can benefit from our regal wisdom. Follow these tips so you and your beloved can purr happily ever after – or close to it.
Story Crafted by Jessica Loftus (with a little help from PurSneakity and Penelope).
Photo by Jessica Loftus